Leadership gets lonelier before it gets easier. When you change positions, the people around you start to test you, question your decisions, and pull away — and that shift happens regardless of gender. But according to Marie Sonneman, women stepping into leadership in predominantly male industries are climbing a steeper hill: the dynamics of isolation hit harder and earlier.
Sonneman opens episode 451 of Ordinary To Badass with a direct admission: she wishes someone had sat her down before she became a supervisor and told her what was really coming. The friendships that would quietly change. The shift from being judged on how hard you work to being judged on every single decision you make.
That lack of preparation isn't incidental — it compounds the loneliness. When the isolation arrives and no one warned you, it's easy to read it as personal failure rather than a predictable phase of leadership transition.
Changing your position changes how others relate to you. People who once treated you as a peer now watch you more carefully. Some will question your judgment out loud. Others will simply grow distant. Sonneman is clear that this dynamic is not unique to women — it's a feature of leadership itself.
But she's equally clear that the climb is steeper for women in male-dominated spaces. The testing comes faster, the scrutiny is sharper, and the community of peers who've been through it is smaller. That's the gap Ordinary To Badass is explicitly built to close — and why Sonneman points women in those industries toward her community on Listenly, where this exact territory is discussed openly.
"If people like you but they don't trust your judgment, you have a popularity problem, not a leadership advantage. Trust lasts longer than approval."
Marie Sonneman — Leadership Coach & Law Enforcement Lieutenant, host of Ordinary To Badass. Sonneman speaks from direct professional experience navigating leadership in law enforcement, one of the most recognizably male-dominated fields in the country.
Trust is far more critical than being liked. If people like you but don't trust your judgment, you have a popularity problem — not a leadership advantage. Trust lasts longer than approval.
Marie Sonneman advises against eating lunch with your team every day, because it gives employees the space to vent, laugh, and decompress without censoring themselves — which is healthy for the team dynamic.
Once promoted, some friends become distant, coworkers stop sharing information, and people become very careful around you. Your role changed overnight — even if nothing else about you did.
Episode 451 covers 8 things nobody tells women before their first promotion. The full episode is on Listenly.
Listen to the episode on Listenly