Is it more important for a female leader to be liked or to be trusted?
Trust is far more critical than being liked. If people like you but don't trust your judgment, you have a popularity problem — not a leadership advantage. Trust is what gets people to buy into the mission, come forward with problems, and feel comfortable admitting mistakes.
Marie Sonneman makes this point clearly in episode 451 of Ordinary To Badass, a solo episode covering eight things nobody tells women before their first promotion. The distinction matters most right after you step into a leadership role — the moment when some relationships shift, team members become more guarded, and you start being evaluated not on how hard you work, but on every decision you make. In that environment, likability can erode quickly. Trust, built steadily, is what holds.
Sonneman's framing is direct: approval is temporary and conditional, while trust compounds over time. A team that trusts its leader will raise real problems early, own their mistakes openly, and follow through even when the direction is uncomfortable. A team that merely likes its leader will manage impressions instead.
"If people like you but they don't trust your judgment, you have a popularity problem, not a leadership advantage. Trust lasts longer than approval."
— Marie Sonneman, Ordinary To Badass, Episode 451See also
Marie Sonneman advises against eating lunch with your team every day, because it gives employees time to vent, laugh, and decompress without censoring themselves — something they can't do freely when their supervisor is present.
Once promoted, some friends become distant, coworkers stop sharing information, and people become very careful around you. Your role changed overnight even if the relationships felt the same the day before.
The key shift is moving from being judged on how hard you work to being judged on the decisions you make. What got you promoted — being the hardest worker — is no longer the primary measure of your success as a leader.