Answer extracted from The Mel Robbins Podcast — listen to the full episode below.
How does understanding the difference between the chase and the achievement change your approach to major life goals?
Once you realize you value the pursuit itself over winning, you free yourself from the endless treadmill of external validation. Gary Vaynerchuk discovered this distinction in his early 20s—preferring the chase and the practice over trophies and outside approval—and that single realization shaped how he built his life for the next 25 years.
Most people spend their energy chasing a finish line they believe will finally satisfy them. But Vaynerchuk learned early that the finish line is not where the energy lives. The real fuel comes from the act of pursuing itself—the daily work, the strategy, the evolution—not from the moment someone else acknowledges you've won.
This distinction matters because it rewires what you actually do. When achievement is your target, you become hostage to outcomes you cannot fully control: other people's opinions, market timing, luck. When the chase becomes your metric, you own every single day. You're not waiting for permission or validation; you're already playing the game you love.
As Vaynerchuk explains in The Mel Robbins Podcast, the moment he understood this about himself, everything became easier. He stopped measuring himself against what the world told him he should want. He could live by his own metric instead of constantly looking backward at what he'd already won or forward at what he still needed to prove.
"People are obnoxiously more capable of changing than they realize. And it's actually shockingly simple and the hardest thing in the world."
Gary Vaynerchuk — Chairman of VaynerX, CEO of VaynerMedia, CEO of VFriends. A 50-year-old entrepreneur who immigrated from the Soviet Union as a child and did not speak English initially. By age 25, he had innovated within his father's liquor store despite being told by others it would ruin the business. He is now recognized as one of the leading global minds on culture, business, and the Internet, with 45 million people following his work across multiple ventures and platforms.
One detail that reveals the depth of this shift: Vaynerchuk also discovered he preferred the practice over the trophy, meaning he valued the process of building and learning more than the symbolic reward at the end. That's a different animal from simple ambition. It's a commitment to the work itself.
Key takeaways
- Preferring the chase over the achievement means you're no longer dependent on outside validation to feel successful.
- Once you understand this distinction, you measure yourself by the quality of your daily work, not by wins or losses.
- This realization doesn't just change what you pursue—it changes how you pursue it, because the finish line is no longer the real prize.
- The practice and the process become the reward, which means you're already winning every single day you show up.
See also
How did a career and relocation decision early in Mel and Christopher Robbins' marriage trigger the beginning of their relationship struggles?
Christopher Robbins decided to pursue his MBA in Boston and insisted on moving out of New York City, despite Mel loving her job there and being unhappy with the relocation.
Why does Mel Robbins recommend getting relationship advice from a divorce attorney?
Mel Robbins explains that James Sexton, as a world-renowned divorce attorney, has seen every possible way a relationship can break down, much like a surgeon understands the body.
What does the 'roommate phase' look like in a long-term marriage and when does it typically set in?
Mel and Christopher Robbins describe the roommate phase as a period where logistics and life completely take over the relationship — managing kids, feeding the family, handling work responsibilities.