Answer extracted from the MusterPoint Off the Clock podcast — listen to the full episode below.
How do you begin to recognize your own worth after years of believing you deserved mistreatment?
You begin by creating safe space with another person who accepts you without judgment. Recognizing your worth happens not in isolation, but through being witnessed and valued by someone else—someone who simply listens and lets you know you don't have to carry your pain alone.
For Mike Collison, this realization came after years of deep internal work around his trauma. Looking back on decades of choices shaped by mistreatment and abuse, he wishes he could have seen his own value much earlier. The turning point wasn't a sudden epiphany, but rather the gradual experience of being truly accepted by another person.
Mike worked in the oil patch for roughly a decade, enduring some of the most physically and mentally demanding conditions the industry offers—shifts of 78 consecutive days and marathon stretches of 46-hour continuous night work. Yet none of that external achievement changed how he saw himself internally. As he describes in the episode, the real transformation didn't come from proving his worth through work, but from being in the presence of someone who created space for his humanity.
The mirror you cannot hold alone
When you've spent your formative years in mistreatment—whether through childhood abuse, bullying, or abandonment—you internalize the message that you are disposable. Mike was bullied severely throughout elementary school, and from ages 7 to 12, he endured systematic rape and abuse by a family friend and his son. He never told anyone. That silence became part of his identity.
As he worked through his recovery journey and his involvement in a 12-step program, Mike discovered something crucial: you cannot see your own worth by yourself. The internal voice shaped by mistreatment is too loud, too convincing. It requires another human being to reflect something different back to you—to show you that you are worthy of respect, care, and safety.
This is why peer support and therapeutic relationships are so powerful in recovery. A trusted person who simply listens without fixing, judging, or trying to change you creates the conditions under which self-worth can finally emerge. As discussed in depth in Mike's conversation on MusterPoint Off the Clock, that acceptance from another man—someone who understood the struggles of working in a high-pressure, male-dominated industry—became transformative.
"Without the ability to look in a mirror and see those things reflected back at you, until you can find someone else to walk that walk with you, you cannot heal."
Mike Collison — Oil rig worker and trades professional. After a decade in the oil patch working extreme shifts in Alberta, Collison has spent years in active recovery, processing childhood trauma and redefining his relationship with substance use. Now part of a 12-step program, he shares his story to help others in similar circumstances understand that healing is possible when you have community and witness.
The specifics of Mike's recovery process—including how his dog's death in 2019 triggered a relapse that eventually led to breakthrough—are explored further in this full episode, revealing the non-linear, deeply human nature of recognizing your own worth.
See also
What is the relationship between childhood abandonment of healthy relationships and adult patterns of seeking chaos and toxicity?
Mike describes how he had no frame of reference for healthy relationships because everything in his life was transactional. When you grow up believing mistreatment is normal, you unconsciously recreate those patterns as an adult, seeking chaos because it feels familiar and safe.
How did the loss of a pet trigger a relapse into active addiction after years of abstaining from hard drugs?
In 2019, when Mike's dog Ramsey died from aggressive cancer, he began using substances to numb the pain rather than to have fun as he had been doing. This shift marked the moment his addiction transformed from recreational use into active escape and numbing.
What role does the culture of the oil and construction industries play in normalizing substance abuse?
Mike describes how in the oil patch and construction, drugs and drinking were an accepted part of life. It was actually considered strange if you didn't participate, creating an environment where substance use became normalized as a coping mechanism.
Key takeaways
- Self-worth cannot be recognized in isolation—it requires witnessing and acceptance from another person who creates safe, non-judgmental space.
- Childhood mistreatment teaches you to accept abuse as normal, making it harder to recognize your own value without external reflection and peer support.
- Recovery and healing accelerate when you have community and genuine human connection, especially from someone who understands your specific struggles.
- Recognizing your worth is a gradual process of doing internal work (therapy, peer programs) and then allowing yourself to be seen and valued by others.