Answer extracted from the Habits and Hustle podcast — listen to the full episode below.
How should therapists handle situations where a client is withholding the truth in sessions?
Create explicit permission for clients to return and correct themselves without fear of judgment or penalty. As Keir Gaines explains, assuring clients they can come back at any point to tell the real story frees them to move past the lie and co-problem solve together, transforming the therapeutic relationship into a space where truth emerges gradually rather than perfectly.
The core insight is psychological permission. When a therapist signals upfront that a client can revise their account at any time—without consequences or shame—it removes a major barrier to honesty that many people carry from earlier experiences of being judged or punished for the truth.
This approach recognizes that withholding often stems from fear, not deception for its own sake. A client may minimize a painful truth, distort a relationship dynamic, or hide a behavior because they're testing whether the therapist will reject them, or because the emotion around the real story feels too overwhelming in the moment. The permission to return shifts the dynamic: the truth becomes not a test of worthiness, but a shared problem to solve.
As discussed in this episode of Habits and Hustle, Gaines emphasizes that the therapist's job is not to catch the client in a lie or police their honesty—it's to build enough safety that the client can think through why they withheld the truth and feel secure returning with clarity. This shifts accountability from punishment to collaboration.
"At any point if the truth is too much to bear, you can come back and say 'that's not really what happened, let me explain it now.' I won't judge you or penalize you—it only allows me to better help you."
Keir Gaines — Licensed Therapist, Keynote Speaker, and Content Creator. Gaines began his career in presidential property management and attitudinal training before moving into education and building economic self-sustainability programs for children with disabilities. His insight that he had a gift for connecting people to their feelings led him to become a licensed therapist. His work has reached millions through social media, and he recently paused his private practice to focus on speaking engagements across the country.
The practical outcome is measurable: when clients know they have a genuine second chance, they move faster toward honesty. The energy that was going into maintaining a false story, managing shame, or preparing for rejection gets redirected toward reflection and healing. The lie, in this context, becomes a data point—something to learn from together, not a character judgment.
One additional dimension worth exploring in the full episode is how this framework applies when a client's withholding has real clinical consequences—how to balance permission with clinical responsibility, and whether certain revelations (safety risks, legal issues) require different handling than emotional truths.
Key takeaways
- Explicit permission to return and correct the record removes the fear barrier that keeps clients dishonest.
- Assuring clients they won't be judged or penalized shifts accountability from punishment to collaborative problem-solving.
- Withholding often stems from overwhelm or fear of rejection, not deception—and safety allows clients to process and move toward truth.
- When a client knows they can revise their story without consequence, they move faster toward honest reflection and healing.
See also
What are the key qualities to look for when finding an effective therapist?
They need to be skilled, personable in a way you find palatable and helpful, and someone you feel you can trust. The therapeutic relationship itself is foundational to effective treatment.
Why do actions matter more than intentions when pursuing meaningful goals?
We fall in love with the idea of things much more quickly than the reality of them. You can envision building a wonderful company and imagine feeling fulfilled, but unless you take consistent action, nothing changes.
What is the distinction between feeling bad about something and allowing shame to define your identity?
There's a difference between blaming yourself for something you've done and beating yourself up for something you can't change. Shame can consume your sense of self, while guilt is about specific actions that can be addressed.